in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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