come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
