...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
