Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
