I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
