i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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