i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
