OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
