I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
