this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
