i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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