It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
