Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
