Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
