No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
