I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
