So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
