My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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