Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
