I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
