It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
