im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
