party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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