do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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