1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
