I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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