in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
