Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
