The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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