Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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