he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
