the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
