At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
