i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
