I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
