I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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