apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
