The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
