Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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