I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
