I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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