please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
