somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
