I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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