so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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