i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
