I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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