I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
