Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
