Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
