yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
