what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
